Applying for a job at UBS

Now, I may be a little long in the tooth but I am giving serious consideration to applying for a job at UBS, that hitherto most respectable of Swiss Banks. After all, on the surface, I appear to have all the right attributes - a public school background with a degree from a top university, a qualified chartered accountant, and a CV which includes relevant work experience at a couple of investment banks.

Moreover I am more than capable of losing a couple of billion dollars of other people's money.

Sadly, having just read the lengthy tome that is the UBS Dress Code (see link below), it would seem that I may lose out despite being widely regarded by my peers as a something of a fashionista (as my profile picture will attest).

UBS Dress Code: The Bankers' Guide to Dressing and Smelling like a winner

Whilst I could no doubt comply with certain requirements: 'You can wear a watch to the extent it does not threaten not safety', 'Your figure should not suffer from the way you wear your underwear', and 'Do not wash, nor ever iron, your shirts yourself', it is likely that I would struggle with others: 'The jacket must completely cover your posterior', 'Shoulders should have natural proportions', and especially 'The tip of your tie should under no circumstances enter your pants'.

In light of recent events, UBS appear to have missed a trick by omitting the following:

• Don't lose your shirt (or that of the Bank), but if you do
• Don't keep it under your hat (or trouser the proceeds).